From a single smile
Still the past bites and crawls, Haunting me to the end with gore, Bleeding and hurting forever more, One action led to the end of it all, It started with a single smile, After running a hundred miles, Though they knew what they were doing, Nobody saw where they were going, Leaving the rest in the dust, It filled the admirers with lust, Unexpected surprises were to come, Led to the battle of internal war, Against themselves and against the law, With no help or support, The shell of hardness began to grow, Never letting the others fully in.
This poem was written by me. I wrote it a year or so ago. The poem is about a friendship “break up” and how trauma can affect someone. This particular friendship involved another person who was quite close to me and even three years later I was still hurt by it. Nothing extremely dramatic happened, on the outside we had looked like two best friends who had a fall out. But behind closed door it was deeper than that. I do not know if this person intentionally hurt me, but on multiple occasions they have done things that were quite upsetting especially when I reflect on the past. I currently don’t have any hard feelings towards them as I have grown from this experience, but I would certainly say I have had bitter feelings in the past. We made countless wonderful memories together and I am grateful for it, she was my best friend but I’m not sure if she felt the same way throughout the entirety of the friendship. I considered this as a friendship break up because I continued to try and stay in touch when we started to drift apart, but one-sided relationships never work. In a way I wasn’t surprised especially since the whole event came with a change, a transition from primary to high school. I received a book on my birthday, she pulled me aside and gave me a book on how to make friends. Although I was a shy child, I have improved immensely throughout the years and looking back it hurt more than it should have. I requested we stayed friends, whether it was best friends it didn’t matter, I couldn’t let the person who knew the most about me go. It is clear now that she was suggesting we weren’t going to be close friends from the reluctant nature in her voice. Ignorant little me thought it was a nice and thoughtful gift. How I was wrong.
I hope in this poem you find your own meaning and even find it relatable. Friendships can be complicated and even more so when involving life changing situations.
If you are going through a rough patch specifically to do with friends, just know you will find your people it takes time, but it will happen and don’t under value yourself, don’t let others use you. You are worth so much more.
Enna Mari 