#personal – Enna Mari

Life like Water by Enna Mari

Life like Water

There are days when everything feels simply,
Almost like a glass of clear fresh water,
But then we remember water is complex,
So much depth, so nourishing yet dangerous,
It can take anything anywhere,
Change lives and cause deadly deaths,
Yet we hang to it for dear life,
Acknowledging everything good and evil,
So why can’t people do that about me?
They only choose to see the side of the
Smile filled face, fresh of tears,
Ignoring everything wrong 
Even when I’m close to the edge, 
With nothing left but a cry for help,
They laugh at the ridiculous thought of it,
Why see it when my problems aren’t 
Affecting their lifestyle in any way.

“Life like Water” is an original poem written by me, like the poem’s title suggests it uses the versatility of water to follow the thoughts of someone longing to be needed and seen, due to their struggles, and it feels lonely. It emphasises the need to be make an impact on the people around them to have a sense of accomplishment to the point where the person does not care if it is helping someone achieve something negative or positive. It captures the emotions many may feel of wanting to make an impact, even if they are surrounded by love.

The last half of the poem focuses on the way some may perceive others, those who are absorbed in themselves or simply do not care for the subject of the poem. The person is crying out for help, whether that be emotional support or something else, but their invisibility is being highlighted so the person acknowledges they are not the people they should seek and returns to wearing a mask.

Words by Enna Mari

Words

Help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help.
Hoping saying the words makes it true.

Alone, depressive, monsters, anxiety, hurt, inner voice, a broken heart, nothing, empty, shivers, nerves, self, words, silent screams.
Something I truly know, as close as friends.

Fine, okay, happy, book reader, smart, thriving, going through a rough patch, understanding, empathic, speak up, know it all, great student, part of four.
A farced played by me and blurred by others.

Smile, anxious, internalised, glimpse, angry, understood, enough, never truly, tired, wonderful student, reader, wise, gives, takes, allies.
Something they see but I’ve filtered it all.

Gapes, sad, confused, dislike, hate, lonely, never, why, difficulty, know, a mess, trying, climbing but falling, cruel, harsh, tough, fragile, broken.
Negative but true, something I've excepted.

Fantastic, wonderful, great, good, well, fine, okay, bad, surviving, alive, lost.
Starting with the biggest lie.

I wrote this poem recently, I know, some people might not consider it to be a poem but it’s up to you to decide what you think of it. It is quite a dark poem and yes, in case you are wondering I’m okay. I called it words [it’s quite self-explanatory] because of repeated words and just words in general. Apoligies for the format, I’m still learning.

From a single smile by Enna Mari

From a single smile

Still the past bites and crawls,
Haunting me to the end with gore,
Bleeding and hurting forever more,
One action led to the end of it all,
It started with a single smile,
After running a hundred miles,
Though they knew what they were doing,
Nobody saw where they were going,
Leaving the rest in the dust,
It filled the admirers with lust,
Unexpected surprises were to come,
Led to the battle of internal war,
Against themselves and against the law,
With no help or support,
The shell of hardness began to grow,
Never letting the others fully in.

This poem was written by me. I wrote it a year or so ago. The poem is about a friendship “break up” and how trauma can affect someone. This particular friendship involved another person who was quite close to me and even three years later I was still hurt by it. Nothing extremely dramatic happened, on the outside we had looked like two best friends who had a fall out. But behind closed door it was deeper than that. I do not know if this person intentionally hurt me, but on multiple occasions they have done things that were quite upsetting especially when I reflect on the past. I currently don’t have any hard feelings towards them as I have grown from this experience, but I would certainly say I have had bitter feelings in the past. We made countless wonderful memories together and I am grateful for it, she was my best friend but I’m not sure if she felt the same way throughout the entirety of the friendship. I considered this as a friendship break up because I continued to try and stay in touch when we started to drift apart, but one-sided relationships never work. In a way I wasn’t surprised especially since the whole event came with a change, a transition from primary to high school. I received a book on my birthday, she pulled me aside and gave me a book on how to make friends. Although I was a shy child, I have improved immensely throughout the years and looking back it hurt more than it should have. I requested we stayed friends, whether it was best friends it didn’t matter, I couldn’t let the person who knew the most about me go. It is clear now that she was suggesting we weren’t going to be close friends from the reluctant nature in her voice. Ignorant little me thought it was a nice and thoughtful gift. How I was wrong.

I hope in this poem you find your own meaning and even find it relatable. Friendships can be complicated and even more so when involving life changing situations.

If you are going through a rough patch specifically to do with friends, just know you will find your people it takes time, but it will happen and don’t under value yourself, don’t let others use you. You are worth so much more.