Appearance was perfect Nothing left, a Web of lies Alone yet never Nobody knew it Unknown, everyone struggling Mentally harmful Betray or study Completed both, almost died Forgiven at last
I wrote these Haikus a while ago and I realised I never posted them on my blog. The simple format of haikus really lets you understand the basic message and sometimes simple is best. There is beauty to be found in the bare and of course my first book based poems had to be on How We Fall Apart by Katie Zhao.
No one understands you, No one cares about you, Everything hates you. No one likes you, No one wants to know about you, Everyone despises you, Those little thoughts Cause large accidents, Spiralling down, As shadows wrap Around and around The brain never stops A light laughter Can be seen as cruel, Harsh, ruthless, callous Just words and so is this. Anxiety, please stop.
Anxiety, please stop was written a couple months ago after an anxiety attack and it clearly explores something many people unfortunately go through with self-sabotaging thoughts. After I wrote I didn’t edit it that much since I thought it would be best to be left as it was giving it the property of how it felt in those moments.
I hope you enjoyed the poem and the simple structure of it, perhaps you might have found it relatable.
How we fall apart by Katie Zhao Trigger warning: Author provides at the beginning of the book! [Feel free to contact me if you want to know more.] Age rating: 14+ Overall rating: 6 out of 5 [Yes, I gave it a 6 out of 5. I might be biased but I’ve never related to a book so much]. Gernes: Young Adult, Fiction, Mystery, Thriller A spoiler free summary Jamie Ruan is the queen bee of Sinclair prep. Everyone sees her as rich, happy and the top student at the school. One day she ends up dead. An anonymous person called the proctor posts on the school’s social media app, claiming that Jamie’s ex-best friends are behind her death. Akil Patel is top track star at Sinclair prep. Krystal Choi is known for her killer fashion sense. Alexander Lin is always focused on his grades. Nancy Luo is scholarship student absorbed in nothing but being on top of her grades. So why are they being targeted? What secrets are being threatened to be revealed? Why are they so desperate to hide their secrets? Maybe they aren’t so perfect after all… Review How do I begin, I loved this book! Everything was done so well in this book, and I have never felt so seen. This might be the closest I’ve ever come to crying because it was so relatable. This book explores the pressure immigrants [not limited to] face within themselves, against school and the high expectations of others around them especially their parents. It touches and shows the effect how this mentality can really affect mental health of many young people and it recognizes this issue. You can tell the author has experienced this or gone through something similar. The whole plot line was so unpredictable, and it kept me guessing what could possibly happen next. It was lovely to see the relationship of all the character no matter if it was good or bad. I loved the fact Nancy, Krystal, Akil and Alexander seemed perfect on the outside [before everything was revealed] to everyone around them but, they had plenty of imperfections. It was wonderful to see the four friends’ relationship and what kept them close together even after the Incident [if you know you know 😉]. Each of the core four characters were so different and unique in their own, yet a lot of it was realistic to teens in this generation [in my experience, apart from the murder plotline obviously]. The whole book was in one point of view, Nancy Luo, and had multiple flashbacks scattered throughout the book, but those flashbacks were not confusing at all. They really added more understanding to the entire storyline. This book had everything I wanted, an intriguing cast, unpredictable storyline and mostly the representation! This was one of those books that when you finish it you just need it to settle in, I couldn’t read a book for at least four days [if you know the feeling you know]. I’m very excited for Katie Zhao’s next upcoming YA book, The lies we tell in 2022 and her other books in the future. 😊 Quotes “I was always lying. Pretending to be someone I wasn’t in order to fit in. Pretending was so much easier than being who I really was.” “Nobody would want to know the gritty unpleasant details about what it took - what it really took – to get there.” “That was what he said, but I had the sneaking suspicion that he was barely holding it together. I could see the same cracks forming in his image. I saw those same cracks every time I glanced in the mirror.” “I shouldn’t let anyone else get too close. The only person I could depend on was myself.” “No lonelier feeling in the world than having people stare at you all the time, but nobody truly seeing you.” “I heard myself nicknamed every variation of the word ‘smart’.” “Don’t push yourself too hard. The permission I’d waited for, my whole life.” Recommendation If you liked One of us is lying by Karen M. McManus and the Don’t get mad duology by Gretchen McNeil but with a twist and with Asian representation, you’ll love How we fall apart. It may also open your eyes to how some immigrant children\families feel in places such as America, the UK and Australia. Or you may find this book to be a comfort and recognition of your existence. Pros: Loved the names of the chapters, confession one, etc. I also enjoyed the fact there were thoughts from anonymous students from the app as the beginning of each chapter. The representation was there! Will definitely become one of my favourites and a comfort book for sure. Cons: The only one I can think of is I wish it was longer, but I have feeling there might be a sequel or at least I hope so, so it’s not a real complaint. So, I have none.
Enna Mari 