Tag: #anxiety

Anxiety, please stop by Enna Mari

No one understands you,
No one cares about you,
Everything hates you.

No one likes you,
No one wants to know about you,
Everyone despises you, 

Those little thoughts 
Cause large accidents,
Spiralling down,
As shadows wrap
Around and around 
The brain never stops
A light laughter 
Can be seen as cruel,
Harsh, ruthless, callous
Just words and so is this. 
Anxiety, please stop.

Anxiety, please stop was written a couple months ago after an anxiety attack and it clearly explores something many people unfortunately go through with self-sabotaging thoughts. After I wrote I didn’t edit it that much since I thought it would be best to be left as it was giving it the property of how it felt in those moments.

I hope you enjoyed the poem and the simple structure of it, perhaps you might have found it relatable.

My favourite Books of 2021, part seven [last part]. How we fall apart by Katie Zhao.

HOW WE FALL APART BY KATIE ZHAO

How we fall apart is a dark academia novel focusing on Asian American characters and the experiences of these people going through a prestigious high school while their secrets are being exposed and the murder of the queen bee. This novel displays the pressure many immigrant families and children feel as well as the hardship and the reality of always being seen as a perfect student. Not only is this book a murder mystery but it shows the world of many Asian Americans [not limited to] especially students. I loved this novel because of how much I related to the main characters, I have never felt so seen or understand from a piece of incredible writing. From the backhanded complaints rooted in racism to each character on the brink of breaking down, this novel is perfect for anyone who is Asian and wants to relate to any other who wants to learn about the experiences many Asians’ face to maybe even relating to the hard-working students with dark secrets hiding in plain sight hoping to never be caught.

Fortunately, a trigger warning was provided by the author but here’s a condensed down one: mental illness, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, abuse, self-harm, racism, parental neglect, violence, drug use, an inappropriate teacher and student relationship.

Words by Enna Mari

Words  

Help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help.                                                      
Hoping saying the words makes it true.

Alone, depressive, monsters, anxiety, hurt, inner voice, a broken heart, nothing, empty, shivers, nerves, self, words, silent screams.                                                
Something I truly know, as close as friends.

Fine, okay, happy, book reader, smart, thriving, going through a rough patch, understanding, empathic, speak up, know it all, great student, part of four.                 
A farced played by me and blurred by others.

Smile, anxious, internalised, glimpse, angry, understood, enough, never truly, tired, wonderful student, reader, wise, gives, takes, allies.                                              
Something they see but I’ve filtered it all.

Gapes, sad, confused, dislike, hate, lonely, never, why, difficulty, know, a mess, trying, climbing but falling, cruel, harsh, tough, fragile, broken.                                        
Negative but true, something I've excepted.

Fantastic, wonderful, great, good, well, fine, okay, bad, surviving, alive, lost.     
Starting with the biggest lie.

I wrote this poem recently, I know, some people might not consider it to be a poem but it’s up to you to decide what you think of it. It is quite a dark poem and yes, in case you are wondering I’m okay. I called it words [it’s quite self-explanatory] because of repeated words and just words in general. Apoligies for the format, I’m still learning.